Secret ways to woo a girl and make her fall for you.

There exists thousands of literature on dating dos and don’ts, making someone fall in love with you, and other types of advice falling within the spectrum of relationships. Love is a complicated thing, and I am certainly not one to speak for the entire female gender, but there are certain things that do indeed work if you’re interested in pursuing something further than surface talk and some fancy drinks with a girl.

These things below have been carefully calculated, thought out, and experienced by yours truly. For two and a half years I have had monogamous relations with someone whom I believe is secretly a member of the Secret Society of Perfectly Imperfect Men Who Walk Around Making People Fall In Love With Them. This is not to say that we haven’t had our hard times, but the hard times make us stronger, and other inspiring relationship flufferies.

He’s great, we’re great at being great, and this greatness stems from the first few months of our relationship when he wooed me like I’ve never been wooed before. He continues to woo me every day, but those initial months are what got me hooked. Like I said, I wholeheartedly believe there is a Secret Society for these men. They’ve all been trained in Wooing 101 and will carry this skill set with them for their whole lives. (I’m not sure how many members are in this Secret Society, but if you ever meet one named Mitch, he’s spoken for, thank you very much.)

Chivalry is not dead, friends. It is NOT. It is the only thing left that gives us girls any hope at good, true, old fashioned, respectable love.

So, to the guys who are not in this Secret Society: fear not. Here is how to woo your girl the right way.

1. Hold the door for her.

Whether it’s the building door, elevator door, car door (big one), or even the revolving door; YOU HOLD IT. You put your strong, firm man hands on that door, back up your cute, toned butt and instruct her to enter. Say, “After you,” or “Come on in,” or “You may enter, sexy sugar mama,” or don’t even say anything at all. Stand there, look at her, and smile like you wouldn’t rather be doing anything else but standing there, looking at her, and smiling while holding that door open for her. This moment right here is often one of the first opportunities you have to show a girl what a gentleman you are. It seems so obvious, yet many men either forget that this rule exists or feel as though it’s too pretentiously courteous to actually do it. But take my word: this says SO much about you, and as you walk around to the driver’s side to join her, she will sit in your car bubbling over with joy. You will have set the tone for the entirety of the date.

2. Act happy.

Nobody likes a moody sourpuss. Unless both parties are moody sourpusses (sourpi?), because misery loves company and all that stuff. Males often believe that girls like mysterious, brooding men, so they speak very little and talk mostly with their eyes and seductive half-smile smirks. This works if you’re pursuing a one-night rendezvous, but anything beyond that requires your true personality to shine through. Smiling is contagious, and people gravitate towards those with upbeat, joyful personalities. Act like you’re happy to be with your girl (which is much easier if you actually are happy to be with her) so that she absorbs your happy vibes and projects them back onto you. You will be a blissful couplet of smiling faces prancing around glowing with delight.

3. Pay for her.

I took my boyfriend out for a congratulatory dinner one time because he got a new job. I told him I wanted to pay. I begged him to let me pay. Guess who ended up paying? “It’s just how things are done. You’re my girl,” he said, signing the check, and then I fainted into the breadbasket.

This causes many fights in many relationships. It’s hard when two people who don’t have the means to spend a lot go on dates that require spending. But, guys, if you can afford to pay for the date, do it. It is such a sweet, genuine gesture that should be